Mini Food Revolution, Or Shape Up or Ship Out You Lazy Punks

To put it bluntly and overly simply, I'm disappointed in my generation. I'm disappointed in the degradation of punctuation and grammar that's leaked from the internet to essays and novels. I'm disappointed in cell phones that make it okay for people to be late because they can send a quick text: "on my way sry lolz :)" I'm also disappointed I was 18 before I started sewing buttons back on myself.

This guy knows what I'm talking about. Didn't even tie that tie himself. Lol.

Not that I'd trade my life with someone 50 or 100 years ago. The internet and communication technology and sewing machines and moms do wonderful things for us and for society- this is undeniable. The shifts in language show it's a living, growing thing, and makes it all the more fascinating to speak and study. Computers in offices and classrooms have provided immense benefits for people all over the world. And despite the widespread social and physical injustices that come with industrialism, factories, and worst of all, sweat shops, having affordable, durable clothing made by machines means we can actually live in live in them and wear them out and then get replacements, instead of spending our time in castle towers "embroidering," or whatever. Progress is progress, right?

The food, however, has not progressed. Everything is processed and squeezed and frozen and dyed so much it's hardly even food anymore, and it's an uphill battle trying to find food that's produced locally or even semi-locally. My peers eat frozen pizza, corn dogs, and bagels, and we're fat and grouchy because of it. And nobody knows how to cook.

True story.

When I arrive at a party with a loaf of zuchinni bread in hand, or a friend drops in to see me making alterations an incredible West African Peanut Soup recipe, they're stunned. They say, "How do you do that? How do you know how to do that? What are you doing? What's vegetables?" and teeter over onto our hideous couch. I revive them to say, "It's science," and send them on their way with full bellies and functioning arteries.

This isn't to say that I'm a foodie or -- God forbid -- vegan or anything. I just like too cook. I'm fortunate enough to have a functioning kitchen, a few cookbooks, and a little common sense, and prefer to spend money on real food instead of chemicals. By cooking my own meals, I can control how much sodium, sugar, and fat (and what kinds) I put into my body; I can support local farmers and independent, local grocery stores; I can experiment with flavor and expand my palate; and, best of all, I can spend time in a warm kitchen with people I love. I get to watch my mom fold chocolate into a creamy espresso truffle, Whittaker nibble at a spoonful of cheese sauce, and Clark pour over his family cookbook, hunting for something else to do with apples. It seems like the benefits in knowing your way around the kitchen are endless, even beyond the nutritional ones, and it's disappointing that more people my age haven't picked up on it.

So I am here to help. At least a little bit.

First of all, to get some basic knowledge down, I'd recommend either The Joy of Cooking or the Fannie Farmer Boston Cooking-School Cook Book. Both are loaded with pages of basic cooking tips, including stuff like how to prepare pumpkin or stuff a turkey or peel garlic, alongside hundreds of reliable recipes. Second, some other totally bomb collections I've used one billion times are The Moosewood Cookbook, Betty Crocker's Cooky Book, and, believe it or not, church publications from the midwest. Once you get past the four hundred the jello "salad" recipes in any given version, they're great resources for things like cakes, quick breads, and squirrel. Third, here are three things I think every budding chef chould know:
1. When sauteing, wait for the pan to get totally warmed up before dropping in your chicken or onion or whatever, so the food doesn't stick to the pan.
2. Bread products are done when a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean.
3. It's okay to guess and experiment with things like soups and sauces, but measurements need to be exact when baking, because the chemical properties of things like eggs, baking soda, and yeast are finicky. Doing steps out of order, even, can alter a recipe. So these things seem like common sense, but I bet if you did a random survey, very few people would know this shit. It's crazy, right? Are you getting how crazy this is yet?

And now the good part! Recipes! I have been cooking a lot this fall, partially because our neighbors have been generous with their harvests and partially because I have extra time compared to last year. Here are some good harvest-time it's-chilly-out-of-doors-time foods that are pretty bomb and pretty easy. I expect a report back. And also, the formatting is fucked up but I can't/don't feel like fixing it.

Macaroni and Cheese

This is Whittaker's contribution to Thanksgiving every year, and some years it's hard to eat turkey this macaroni is so good.

1 lb macaroni

4 c shredded sharp cheddar

1 c grated Parmesan

6 c milk

½ c butter

5 T flour

Topping

2 T butter

½ c bread crumbs

Pinch of paprika

1 tsp mustard powder

1. Cook macaroni and drain.

2. Melt butter over medium heat. Stir in enough flour to make a roux. Add milk to roux slowly, stirring constantly. Stir in cheeses, and cook over low heat until cheese is melted and the sauce begins to thicken. Put macaroni in large casserole dish, and pour sauce over macaroni. Stir well.

3. Melt butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add breadcrumbs and brown. Spread over macaroni and cheese. Sprinkle with a little paprika.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

Gooey Apple Cake

A winner every time, but can get a little messy. And you may not omit nuts- the crunch is essential.

8 T butter, divided

1 ½ c sugar

1 egg

2 c flour

1 t baking soda

½ cinnamon

¼ t salt

2 large tart apples, chopped

1 c walnuts, chopped

2 t cornstarch

¼ c evaporated milk

1 t lemon juice

1 t vanilla extract

1. Cream 5 T butter and 1 c sugar. Add egg and beat well. Stir in flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, apples and walnuts. Batter will be stiff. Spoon into greased 9x9 pan, and smooth top. Bake at 350 degrees about 35 minutes.

2. Combine remaining butter and sugar, cornstarch, and evaporated milk in a saucepan; bring to a boil over medium heat. Boil 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat; stir in lemon juice and vanilla. Pour over hot cake. Serve warm.

West African Peanut Soup

Makes a huge quantity and freezes well.

2 c chopped onions

1 T oil (I use olive)

1/2 t cayenne or other ground dried chiles

1 t grated peeled fresh ginger root

1 c chopped carrots

2 c chopped sweet potatoes

4 c vegetable stock or water

2 c tomato juice or canned diced tomatoes

1 cu smooth peanut butter

1 T sugar (optional)

1 c chopped scallions or chives

1. Saute the onions in the oil until just translucent. Stir in the cayenne and fresh ginger. Add the carrots and saute a couple more minutes. Mix in the sweet potatoes and stock or water, bring the soup to a boil, and then simmer for about 15 minutes, until the vegetables are tender.
2. In a blender or food processor (or with one of those "cool hand-held soupifyer beater stick things," to use my mother's sophisticated terminology), puree the vegetables with the cooking liquid and the tomato juice. Return the puree to a soup pot. Stir in the peanut butter until smooth.
3. Taste the soup. Its sweetness will depend on the sweetness of the carrots and sweet potatoes. If it’s not there naturally, add just a little sugar to enhance the other flavors.
4. Reheat the soup gently, using a heat diffuser if needed to prevent scorching. Add more water, stock or tomato juice for a thinner soup. Serve topped with plenty of chopped scallions or chives. Also if the cayenne is good and hot you might want a small dollop of sour cream floating in the bowl. Chopped unsalted dry roasted peanuts make a nice garnish too.


Zucchini Bread
This is the very best recipe for zucchini bread I've found, and is a great base for banana bread, pumpkin bread, applesauce bread, or whatever moist mashed item you happen to have.
3 c flour
1 t salt
1 t baking powder
1 t soda
3 t cinnamon
3 eggs
1 c oil
2 1/4 c sugar
3 t vanilla
2 c grated zucchini
1 c nuts
1. Stir together dry ingredients. Set aside.
2. Beat together eggs, oil, sugar and vanilla.
3. Add dry ingredients and mx thoroughly. Stir in zucchini and nuts.
4. Pour batter into 2 greased and floured loaf pans, then sprinkle with brown sugar.
5. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour.


Cheesy Onion Rolls
Made this dip for a party a few weeks ago, and people flipped. It even pleased Bill, who had said, "I don't know why people go so crazy for dip. Dip's not even a food." Now it's the biggest section of his food pyramid, right after PBR.
3-4 c chopped onion
1/4 c chopped garlic
1 T butter
1 c mayonnaise (sounds gross, but bear with me)
2 c grated Parmesan
sourdough rolls or a baguette or two, sliced in half

1. Saute onion and garlic together in butter over medium heat until caramelized.
2. Stir onions and garlic with mayo and Parmesan until mixed thoroughly and cheese begins to melt a little bit.
So that's the dip. You can serve it with crackers or whatever, OR spread it onto rolls or a baguette then bake em until just slightly golden for a more serving-specific approach.


I think that'll do it for now, right? When the time comes, I'll let you all know my hot buttered rum recipe. But until then, happy cooking!