in chicago

it's big and shit, but I was expecting to be slightly more terrified. I'm in the "hip" part of town where everyone wears tight pants and looks sad, so I fit right in. I've been looking for pizza, but I can't find any. We accidentally went to a faux-Hooters sports bar where the waitresses wore kilts and plaid bikini tops. There's a nationwide theater school audition in my hotel, so there are completely absurd theater kids running around and being melodramatic all up in here. There's a guy sitting near me singing show tunes :(((((((

It's pretty much like I expected:

1. There are pictures of the Blues Brothers everywhere. Get over it, Chicago.

2. Some people have cool accents, but less do than I expected.

3. It looks like Gotham City.

4. Loudspeakers on the streets constantly playing Sufjan Stevens.

5. I'm cooler than everyone here.

6. fucking cold

I'm going to get a disposable camera and take some pictures of the rest of my trip. Again, if you're from here, tell me what I must do ASAP.

Max: You're last post was shameful. Proofread that shit.

F- see me after class

PS: Now that more people have looked at our blog, I'd like to resubmit my imaginary friend request. Click the imaginary friend tag on this post for the scoop.

I did it!

I made a new banner. I was going for a minimalist, faux-infantile, not-very-good kind of look. Actually, I tried a bunch of times to make a decent banner, but they were all awful and made me mad. I had to turn my brain off and go in to scribble mode to make one someone could at least look at without puking.

It's pretty tragic that Calvin and Max have continued to not do anything. Knowing Max, he's probably in Haiti, shirtless and glistening as he lifts orphans from the wreckage and weeps. Calvin is probably eating a Cosmic Brownie.

Max is a show off

They have kind of a Goofus and Gallant thing going on, except for in this version Gallant goes out of his way to make everyone else look bad and Goofus is a way cool dude.

PS I don't think Haiti is funny so don't yell at me, mom.

On Being Right, Magical Thinking, and Hating Your Friends

I was right about Calvin and Max. They've proven to be more worthless than I could have guessed. They're in school and stuff, but I know Calvin and Calvin is not spending so much time studying that he can't post even one thing.

my friends calvin and max

You two are on thin ice.

So this guy I know gets unreasonably perturbed whenever he sees commercials for Benico Del Toro's newest screen classic, The Wolfman.

He cites America's fascination with the occult as one of the leading factors in the decay of America's moral, cultural, and intellectual fibre. It's not a religiously motivated thing, it's exactly the opposite. He calls it "magical thinking" and I guess it's making us in to soft-brained morons. To him, Twilight and True Blood and Vampire Diaries and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Being Human and Blood Ties and Dark Shadows are undermining our ability to think realistically.

i guess this is what girls like????????????

While the best I can say about those things I just mentioned is that they are nigh-unbearable pap, unfit for consumption by any but the most base of minds, I don't think they're doing any real harm. I suspect that I think this because I'm the biggest magical thinker I know. I'm a total rube, obsessed with television and comic books. However, I can muster up enough brain power to fart out a few sentences that make a little bit of sense, which is more than can be said for almost anyone on the planet. Some people never watch tv (I can't imagine why they wouldn't, though. Maybe they can't afford it????) and are still very dumb and terrible. The smartest people I know crave lowest-common-denominator reality television on the rare occasion that they have a few minutes to watch TV. Those people are still smart and no amount of Jersey Shore will change that.

Life is seriously pretty bad most the time, and it's even worse for people who are smart. Smart people need to watch cartoons or MTV every now and then so they don't have to think about starving children, social injustice, the stock market, and whatever else smart people usually think about.

This is good, click on it please.

New banner on the way.

Calvin and Max are bad.

Inconsequential

I'm slurping up this late night talk show feud like I would a delicious soup. I have a deep seated hatred of Jay Leno and seeing Conan and Dave rip him to shreds is therapeutic as heck. Big crises like this and the writers strike bring out the rawest and best material in late night shows.

Here's a link with some good clips if you're in to that sort of thing. But you're probably not.

By the end of the week I'll be back where I can start doing some god damn work, at which time I'll start on the imaginary friend project that none of you are helping me with at all. I'll also make a schmanzy banner for the GSS.

Now look at this:

Finally, Max is going back to New York tomorrow, where he will promptly forget all about me and this blog. So :(

K bye

Max is the worst Blogger

As I sit here, faced with the fact that I'm running out of reasons not to go back to my job and return to a place that makes me borderline miserable, I can take a little solace in the Whitman quote Max just posted. If I concentrate my dislike of my current situation enough, maybe I can will myself in to something that I love or at least like a little.

I can also take solace in the following:

1. This unaired Plastic Man pilot

2. Technology allows me to post from the bathroom

3. I will never be worse at Bomberman than Max is

4. This picture:

What can you take solace in? Also, why the fuck aren't there more imaginary friend posts? I need this, guys.

I can't let Max beat me at this

As the person responsible for giving Max the pep-talk he needed to get behind the blog idea, I can't just write on it once and then flake out on him. I also need to assert my dominance over Max by never allowing him to have more posts than me. I started this shit. Don't forget that, Max.

Pictured: Sam and Max consumate their relationship

Assignment: Watch The Thief and The Cobbler. This film was in production from 1964 until 1995 and was never completed and presented in the form intended by its creator, Richard Williams. The link will take you to the fairly new "Recobbled Cut," a fan edit that seeks to present the movie as close to its creator's vision as possible.

Finally, I'd like to welcome my dog as the first follower of our blog.