my lackluster and insufficient response

Hi Giant Spiders,
Please excuse the lameness of this post. I haven´t had internet lately and when I do, it´s a slow connection in some random hostel.
I'm in Bogota for the holidays and today I ate in a restaurant which hanged all its empty booze bottles from the ceiling. Thought of you all for obvious reasons.
Merry whatever you are celebrating you worthless group of atheist heathens.
Miss you all.

Merry Holiday Eve

here's my excuse....

for shame on me? fuck it. i guess for shame on me. i'm actually a little guilty for failing to come up with anything that's even mildly interesting or entertaining for the last two weeks or so, i guess that's what no internet access and comfortability will do to a gal. also i have been balls deep in working at the coffee shop for quite some time now because all the other baristas are smart and applying themselves to college finals week or they are dumb and going on lengthy vacations to visit distant relatives for the holiday season.... either way it means that yours truly gets to make the shit out of some fancy shmancy coffee drinks four to five days a week instead of my regular three. this has earned me two things: bigger paychecks (which i will spend getting my dog's nuts cut off and fixing the filling in one of my teeth) , and hands that are stained brown from near-constant contact with ground espresso beans (note: do not EVER call it EXpresso or i will punch you in the face with my brown fist) thus forcing me to wash my hands constantly so people don't think that i have some kind of skin condition and all the contact with said soapy water makes my hands all dry and crackly so i have to constantly slather them with the lotion made from the milk of a goat and also happens to smell like cake batter.... the result being hands that are stained brown but smell like sugary things. they are going through some sort of identity crisis as we speak. i really like making coffee, other than the afore-mentioned problems it's pretty rad. i know how to make latte art, so when you order that "skinny sugar-free double venti mochaccino with only half the flavoring" not only do you get milk that has been processed a million times mixed with aspartame and crema, but you can also get a pretty little design on top. and the regulars are all weirdos with extremely interesting life stories. like bob. bob is a guy who used to be a really successful entrepreneur (a word that i had to spell-check but used to be on his business cards) until he married some gold digging bitch who took all of his money in the divorce and left him with nothing but good credit which he proceeded to ruin with a series of ill-fated investments. now he sleeps under bridges and hangs out at my coffee shop all day long and reads. he is currently building me a sweet road bike from all recycled parts in exchange for dinner ever night. or scott. i don't really know scott's story but i do know that he tips me a dollar every time he buys a kearn's nectar juice in a can. i don't even do anything. he will go to the cooler, remove a can, bring it to the counter, and insist that i take a dollar from him to put in my tip jar every single time. i don't even pop the damn thing open for him. he sits and reads books about ants and native americans and will talk to the nearest person seated to him about anything at all. he paints landscapes. a totally interesting and nice dude, but appears to have no friends outside of the coffee scene. there are at least five old guys who come in every single day. and will sit there all day, every day, waiting for someone to start up a conversation with them when they get bored talking to each other. and while all of this may seem really depressing, it's not really. unless i am in a totally shitty mood and could give a fuck less about scott's ant farm that day, in which case he goes from "charming" to "pain in the ass" in less than two seconds. maybe next time i will write about the tattoo shop, which for some reason is not nearly as interesting as the coffee shop, but i will try and write about it in a way that will make you rapt with attention. until my motivation returns bloggers....

sam, we are going to get so drunk at your dad's shrimp boil it will be embarrassing.

max, felis navidad?

julia and julia's boyfriend, i think it's cute that you log into each other's accounts and write stuff.

later vaders

Hey You Guys!

What's happening here? Why have you all abandoned your posts? No Christmas lists? Two weeks of no posts? For shame.

Don't use Finals Week as an excuse, either.

Here are some blogs I discovered. Maybe these will inspire you?????

Calvin: You're on Double Secret Probation.

you have been warned

Hey Bill Murray

Make my Christmas Wish come true.

(thanks Haylee)

Operation: Christmas List is go

All contributors should follow suit in order to assure a bountiful Christmas

And since we're on an art kick...

http://24flinching.com/word/gold-seal/inspiring-artists/drowning-beautiful/

Look at this.

Maybe we can talk about environmental impact.

Or something important like that.

as long as we are on the jesus kick.

The War on Ant Jesus

In this, the Christmas Season, I think Jesuses of all types need to be honored, and that includes the ant-covered one. He's part of a video piece that's being yanked from the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery in DC at the behest of Republican leadership. I guess it's sacrilegious and "an obvious attempt to offend Christians during the Christmas season." Other pieces dealing with themes of homosexuality and the AIDS epidemic are also being threatened because they don't rise to an acceptable "common level of decency."

I'm not the smartest "dude" around, but I'm going to try and discuss this in a reasonably intelligent manner. First, this whole situation makes me pretty depressed. I think this is the first sort of big time art censorship that's happened since I've been able to think coherently, and it gets the blood boiling. This isn't hard-hitting, insightful commentary or anything, but this is a pretty transparent publicity stunt to get the base up in arms. I will never, ever say something as idiotic as "wake up, sheeple," but come on, guys. The government isn't supposed to tell True Americans that they have to let black people or gay people or black gay people eat at their loose meat sandwich shops, but they can't be content until a museum they'll never go to takes down a piece of art that's offensive... because, uh...fuck you, don't talk bad about my Baby Jesus, you terrorist piece of shit muslim!

I just don't understand what the point is of picking on the poor art world (especially the video art world)? The totally cowed reps from the Smithsonian said, "We don't think it's in the interest, not only of the Smithsonian but of other federally supported cultural organizations, to pick fights." That's so sad :( You've already beaten fine arts, Conservatives! A hilariously small portion of the public gives them any thought aside from when you guys cry until work gets pulled from museums, then they instantaneously forget all about it. Modern art is already so lame and terrible and bland that you don't need to scare anyone in to sucking more than they already do please. Leave us alone to suck in peace.

Maybe I'm jaded and these men are Good Christian Soldiers who love Jesus and worry that his feelings are being hurt, but really, these Republican humps couldn't give two shits about art, and neither do the type of people who vote for them. I'm so upset up in here!

My tearful Christmas wish, made on the twinkling North Star that leads the Wise Men to little baby Ant-Covered Jesus is that they'd leave everyone alone to do whatever makes them happy.