inaugeral posts: badass or bust.

so i know that i'm supposed to write something all uplifting and shit for my GSS debut, but to tell you the truth i just don't have it in me right now. i don't know if any of yous guys out theres are meteorology fans, but you don't have to like bad nicolas cage movies in order to get the full effect of what happened here in bozeman yesterday. a hail storm of epic proportions hit around four o clock and for lack of better words here, fucked shit up.

it started out to be a beautiful day. i even put my bathing suit on and went to the freaking tennis court for christ's sakes. here i am, minding my own business picking up random necessities at the grocery store and as soon as i get outside... wham! hail the size of andre the giant's adams apple. all i could think was "find shelter. find shelter. find shelter." it was an immediate personal mantra that must have been playing in the heads of every bozeman resident at the time. fight or flight response. but you can't really win against a hail stone as big as your fist that's been hurtling towards you at the speed of something that goes really fast... so i drove dale jr trying to avoid being killed in a freak storm that god himself bestowed upon me for making fun of all those poor saps over in billings a week ago.

i survived. my car, however. did not. she now sports over fifty dents, a cracked front windshield, a shattered back windshield, and a bruised ego. seriously. my back windshield kind of makes me look like a bad ass that got into a gun fight with russian mobsters. good news: my car is fully insured. bad news: i still have to pay $750 to get that bitch fixed. but it could be worse. i got a text that had a picture of some lady getting hit in the face. and my friend kurt totally got hit in the weiner whilst smoking a cigarette and laughing at everyone's misfortune. instant karma zing!

but at least these people had fun.

the rest of my day was spent in a drunken haze cuz that's how i deal with shit. but i played pool and had fun, before i ended up barfing all over a gas station parking lot. but it's cool because i had friends to hold my hair. and later got into a pretty heated argument about the new avatar the last airbender movie, ending in a fantastic quote made by my frind steve that goes like this: "i'm not going to pay seven dollars to watch a hate crime." whatever that means.

sam. thanks for inviting me bro. (that's right i just called you bro, get over it.) hopefully my future posts will not be as negative-infused as this one was. and i am totally going to write about future illegal activities that we partake in, so hopefully we have no followers who are involved in law enforcement.

max. don't worry, i'm still not judging.

calvin. dood. where the fuck are you man? get out of your hidey hole!

jules. is it ok if i call you jules? i don't know you, but i enjoy your posts. maybe one day we can meet and it will be sweet. (that rhymed!)

GSS for life.