Recently in the comics, Darkseid found the Equation and pumped it out through speakers all over Earth. The reader is left to decide what they think the Equation sounds like. I could never figure out how a sound could make anyone feel like life was hopeless. How a sound could make someone want to lie down and die. I couldn’t fathom it until today when my friend played me a song he had heard on the radio.
That song was Asher Roth’s I Love College.
Take a minute and listen to the song before you continue.
If Anti-Life is subjective, and each target hears something different based on what they consider to be the most emotionally crushing sound imaginable, I would hear this song. And I would be one with Darkseid.
I promised last week to show you some artists that were following their vision and trying to make the world a brighter place. I hate to get sidetracked on negativity, but I feel like Asher Roth stands in bold opposition to everything that is good and decent. I’m not a prude. There’s nothing wrong with rapping about naked girls and drinking, but Asher Roth is the definition of inanity and the empty-headed fratboy reactionary bullshit that is destroying American culture. He is the Jersey Shore of music.
When Asher Roth was 15 he read about Hip Hop on Wikipedia. He stole a D12 album off of Limewire and listened in stunned and stupid silence. He threw away his Smash Mouth albums. His life made sense. The next day he told all the other eighth graders that he listened to rap now. He bought a Sean Jean shirt. He hung an Emenim and a Two Pac poster in his room. He pretended like he smoked weed before school every morning. His parents worried about him, but concluded that young Asher was just going through a phase.
Eight years later: In an advanced state of arrested development, Roth pens I Love College, chuckling to himself as he writes, “time isn’t wasted when you’re getting wasted.” He is mildly aroused.
One year later: The song is number 12 on the Billboard Top 100. Roth makes love to twelve blonde 18-year-olds on a bed made of $10,000 bills. He finishes and stands naked at his bedroom window, watching the sun go down over the Hollywood Hills. “You bitches best show yourselves out,” he says, “I have to call up my boys Blink-182.”
Ten years later: Asher Roth is the President of the United States.
this man loves college
People make bad songs all the time. That isn’t the problem. The problem is that almost every college kid in America has this on his or her iPod. Last night, millions of 20-somethings got drunk and sang this at the top of their lungs, desperately pretending that the words meant something profound and truthful, something that could justify their aimlessness and intellectual laziness as a legitimate and acceptable way of life. The problem is that a human being wrote the words “don't pass out with your shoes on/And don't leave the house 'til the booze gone/And don't have sex if she's too gone/When it comes to condoms put two on,” and then rapped them to a beat that samples fucking Weezer.
"DO SOMETHING CRAZY DO SOMETHING CRAZY DO SOMETHING CRAZY"
-Walt Whitman, 1853
1) This is a fairly old song...get with the program
ReplyDelete2) I hope you know that the life Roth is describing is exactly how Calvin Murphy currently lives his life.
3) You know what I find funny? Why do all these rich college boys drink Bankers Club and Miller Lite. I would assume they could afford better than that. Maybe there is something ritzy about Keystone that I have not discovered yet.
4) Finally, Calvin never writes on this blog. He fails
1) It must just now be playing on the radio here cause prepubescent punks are singing it all over the place.
ReplyDelete2) I know that. Calvin is part of The Problem.
3) It's so they can seem "cool." Beer fit for human consumption is for gay boys and they are all in denial that they are not homoerotic as heck.
4)I KNOW! What is his deal???