Mini Food Revolution, Or Shape Up or Ship Out You Lazy Punks

To put it bluntly and overly simply, I'm disappointed in my generation. I'm disappointed in the degradation of punctuation and grammar that's leaked from the internet to essays and novels. I'm disappointed in cell phones that make it okay for people to be late because they can send a quick text: "on my way sry lolz :)" I'm also disappointed I was 18 before I started sewing buttons back on myself.

This guy knows what I'm talking about. Didn't even tie that tie himself. Lol.

Not that I'd trade my life with someone 50 or 100 years ago. The internet and communication technology and sewing machines and moms do wonderful things for us and for society- this is undeniable. The shifts in language show it's a living, growing thing, and makes it all the more fascinating to speak and study. Computers in offices and classrooms have provided immense benefits for people all over the world. And despite the widespread social and physical injustices that come with industrialism, factories, and worst of all, sweat shops, having affordable, durable clothing made by machines means we can actually live in live in them and wear them out and then get replacements, instead of spending our time in castle towers "embroidering," or whatever. Progress is progress, right?

The food, however, has not progressed. Everything is processed and squeezed and frozen and dyed so much it's hardly even food anymore, and it's an uphill battle trying to find food that's produced locally or even semi-locally. My peers eat frozen pizza, corn dogs, and bagels, and we're fat and grouchy because of it. And nobody knows how to cook.

True story.

When I arrive at a party with a loaf of zuchinni bread in hand, or a friend drops in to see me making alterations an incredible West African Peanut Soup recipe, they're stunned. They say, "How do you do that? How do you know how to do that? What are you doing? What's vegetables?" and teeter over onto our hideous couch. I revive them to say, "It's science," and send them on their way with full bellies and functioning arteries.

This isn't to say that I'm a foodie or -- God forbid -- vegan or anything. I just like too cook. I'm fortunate enough to have a functioning kitchen, a few cookbooks, and a little common sense, and prefer to spend money on real food instead of chemicals. By cooking my own meals, I can control how much sodium, sugar, and fat (and what kinds) I put into my body; I can support local farmers and independent, local grocery stores; I can experiment with flavor and expand my palate; and, best of all, I can spend time in a warm kitchen with people I love. I get to watch my mom fold chocolate into a creamy espresso truffle, Whittaker nibble at a spoonful of cheese sauce, and Clark pour over his family cookbook, hunting for something else to do with apples. It seems like the benefits in knowing your way around the kitchen are endless, even beyond the nutritional ones, and it's disappointing that more people my age haven't picked up on it.

So I am here to help. At least a little bit.

First of all, to get some basic knowledge down, I'd recommend either The Joy of Cooking or the Fannie Farmer Boston Cooking-School Cook Book. Both are loaded with pages of basic cooking tips, including stuff like how to prepare pumpkin or stuff a turkey or peel garlic, alongside hundreds of reliable recipes. Second, some other totally bomb collections I've used one billion times are The Moosewood Cookbook, Betty Crocker's Cooky Book, and, believe it or not, church publications from the midwest. Once you get past the four hundred the jello "salad" recipes in any given version, they're great resources for things like cakes, quick breads, and squirrel. Third, here are three things I think every budding chef chould know:
1. When sauteing, wait for the pan to get totally warmed up before dropping in your chicken or onion or whatever, so the food doesn't stick to the pan.
2. Bread products are done when a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean.
3. It's okay to guess and experiment with things like soups and sauces, but measurements need to be exact when baking, because the chemical properties of things like eggs, baking soda, and yeast are finicky. Doing steps out of order, even, can alter a recipe. So these things seem like common sense, but I bet if you did a random survey, very few people would know this shit. It's crazy, right? Are you getting how crazy this is yet?

And now the good part! Recipes! I have been cooking a lot this fall, partially because our neighbors have been generous with their harvests and partially because I have extra time compared to last year. Here are some good harvest-time it's-chilly-out-of-doors-time foods that are pretty bomb and pretty easy. I expect a report back. And also, the formatting is fucked up but I can't/don't feel like fixing it.

Macaroni and Cheese

This is Whittaker's contribution to Thanksgiving every year, and some years it's hard to eat turkey this macaroni is so good.

1 lb macaroni

4 c shredded sharp cheddar

1 c grated Parmesan

6 c milk

½ c butter

5 T flour

Topping

2 T butter

½ c bread crumbs

Pinch of paprika

1 tsp mustard powder

1. Cook macaroni and drain.

2. Melt butter over medium heat. Stir in enough flour to make a roux. Add milk to roux slowly, stirring constantly. Stir in cheeses, and cook over low heat until cheese is melted and the sauce begins to thicken. Put macaroni in large casserole dish, and pour sauce over macaroni. Stir well.

3. Melt butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add breadcrumbs and brown. Spread over macaroni and cheese. Sprinkle with a little paprika.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

Gooey Apple Cake

A winner every time, but can get a little messy. And you may not omit nuts- the crunch is essential.

8 T butter, divided

1 ½ c sugar

1 egg

2 c flour

1 t baking soda

½ cinnamon

¼ t salt

2 large tart apples, chopped

1 c walnuts, chopped

2 t cornstarch

¼ c evaporated milk

1 t lemon juice

1 t vanilla extract

1. Cream 5 T butter and 1 c sugar. Add egg and beat well. Stir in flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, apples and walnuts. Batter will be stiff. Spoon into greased 9x9 pan, and smooth top. Bake at 350 degrees about 35 minutes.

2. Combine remaining butter and sugar, cornstarch, and evaporated milk in a saucepan; bring to a boil over medium heat. Boil 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat; stir in lemon juice and vanilla. Pour over hot cake. Serve warm.

West African Peanut Soup

Makes a huge quantity and freezes well.

2 c chopped onions

1 T oil (I use olive)

1/2 t cayenne or other ground dried chiles

1 t grated peeled fresh ginger root

1 c chopped carrots

2 c chopped sweet potatoes

4 c vegetable stock or water

2 c tomato juice or canned diced tomatoes

1 cu smooth peanut butter

1 T sugar (optional)

1 c chopped scallions or chives

1. Saute the onions in the oil until just translucent. Stir in the cayenne and fresh ginger. Add the carrots and saute a couple more minutes. Mix in the sweet potatoes and stock or water, bring the soup to a boil, and then simmer for about 15 minutes, until the vegetables are tender.
2. In a blender or food processor (or with one of those "cool hand-held soupifyer beater stick things," to use my mother's sophisticated terminology), puree the vegetables with the cooking liquid and the tomato juice. Return the puree to a soup pot. Stir in the peanut butter until smooth.
3. Taste the soup. Its sweetness will depend on the sweetness of the carrots and sweet potatoes. If it’s not there naturally, add just a little sugar to enhance the other flavors.
4. Reheat the soup gently, using a heat diffuser if needed to prevent scorching. Add more water, stock or tomato juice for a thinner soup. Serve topped with plenty of chopped scallions or chives. Also if the cayenne is good and hot you might want a small dollop of sour cream floating in the bowl. Chopped unsalted dry roasted peanuts make a nice garnish too.


Zucchini Bread
This is the very best recipe for zucchini bread I've found, and is a great base for banana bread, pumpkin bread, applesauce bread, or whatever moist mashed item you happen to have.
3 c flour
1 t salt
1 t baking powder
1 t soda
3 t cinnamon
3 eggs
1 c oil
2 1/4 c sugar
3 t vanilla
2 c grated zucchini
1 c nuts
1. Stir together dry ingredients. Set aside.
2. Beat together eggs, oil, sugar and vanilla.
3. Add dry ingredients and mx thoroughly. Stir in zucchini and nuts.
4. Pour batter into 2 greased and floured loaf pans, then sprinkle with brown sugar.
5. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour.


Cheesy Onion Rolls
Made this dip for a party a few weeks ago, and people flipped. It even pleased Bill, who had said, "I don't know why people go so crazy for dip. Dip's not even a food." Now it's the biggest section of his food pyramid, right after PBR.
3-4 c chopped onion
1/4 c chopped garlic
1 T butter
1 c mayonnaise (sounds gross, but bear with me)
2 c grated Parmesan
sourdough rolls or a baguette or two, sliced in half

1. Saute onion and garlic together in butter over medium heat until caramelized.
2. Stir onions and garlic with mayo and Parmesan until mixed thoroughly and cheese begins to melt a little bit.
So that's the dip. You can serve it with crackers or whatever, OR spread it onto rolls or a baguette then bake em until just slightly golden for a more serving-specific approach.


I think that'll do it for now, right? When the time comes, I'll let you all know my hot buttered rum recipe. But until then, happy cooking!

Ol' Hulia's Mostly Reliable Recommendations for Recently Acquired Media

Now that I have an English degree, I know how to read, and since I don't go to school anymore, I have time to do so. Also, Clark is in a film class, so his homework = watch movies. Here are the fruits of my labor, book-like and movie-like, and some other things I've been spending time with.

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins


No, I haven't stopped reading young adult literature yet, and yes, I'm sure you've already heard about this series, but I just thought I should I should emphasize that they are GOD. DAMN. AWESOME. Everyone knows I love post-apocalyptic stories; Collin's version is no exception. It is vivid and empowering, and includes sentiments of both the power of the individual as well as the power of of a group of downtrodden citizens coming together for a cause. The characters are mesmerizing, the setting stark and severe, and the story positively ruthless. An absolute page-turner, as they say.

My three beefs with these books are as follows: Books 2 and 3 aren't out on paperback yet, they're already making a movie of Book 1, and Book 2 (Catching Fire) really feels like a middle child - forgotten, quiet, maybe a little bit of a people-pleaser. It seemed like, at times, its only purpose was to act as a vehicle to move from Book 1 to 3, and didn't have as much of a story in itself as Book 1 did. It was exciting nonetheless, and I'm getting my panties in a twist waiting for Book 3, Mockingjay, to appear at the library.


Brick, directed by Rian Johnson


This was something Clark had to watch for class, and I'm thankful that was the case, because him taking notes prompted more discussion and understanding that wouldn't have arisen if we'd just happened upon the movie. This is because Brick is a wonderful twist on the essentials of film noir, and knowing these essentials makes the movie much more delightful; you can see both where Johnson gives a nod to the classics and where modernity takes hold.

Instead of being set in gritty L.A., for example, the movie takes place in sunny California suburbia. And instead of a hardboiled detective leading the cast, the main man is a loner high schooler, played by one of my longest-time celebrity crushes Joseph Gordon-Levitt (I know, right?). The movie follows many of the other markers for the genre, however, not the least of which being the heavy reliance on slang in the dialogue. The language itself, immediate and succinct and hilarious, was probably my favorite element of this movie. It can be found on Netflix. Go there now.


Henderson the Rain King by Saul Bellow


I read this book for some extra nerdy reasons, which I will tell you now: I was in an extra nerdy conversation the other day with my friend and Clark's bandmate Ben, who is one of the few people I know who's read more books than I have. We were talking about Salman Rushdie, who you all know is one of the only people in the world who can claim both to have had married a former supermodel and have a fatwa declared on them, at the same time. The man is insane. Anyway I mentioned how when I saw Rushdie speak at CWU a few years ago, his jokes didn't go over well because they were too "literary" (i.e. extra nerdy) and referenced things like obscure Whitman pieces and the writer Saul Bellow, which I'm convinced nobody in my generation but the extra nerdy ones have ever even heard of. So, to recap, Ben is nerdy, I'm nerdy, and Rushdie is extra nerdy, but he has enough badass feathers in his living-in-hiding cap that it's okay. And then Ben lent me this book (actually he lent it to Clark but Clark doesn't know how to read so I just read it and told him he should learn to read so he can read it).

This book is awesome, and not even that nerdy.

The main character is a guy named Gene Henderson, who's like this grouchy fat old guy in Connecticut. He kind of hates his life, but wants to keep living (driven by an undying, unidentified voice pleading I want I want), so he keeps trying new shit to get his motor really going again. He remarries, raises pigs, tries to learn violin, but nothing seems to work, so he third-wheels-it on his buddy's honeymoon to Africa. After helping his friend film or something, he says see ya and bounces with a guide and his jeep into the rocky, mostly uninhabited desert. The following things happen, not necessarily in this order:
1. Walks a total of 30 some-odd days in the sun with no food.
2. Blows up a frog pond.
3. Carries a dead body from his hut to a ravine, only to return to find it in his hut again.
4. Cries on an old lady with a cataract.
5. Saves a village from drought.
6. Becomes pseudo-royalty of the Wairiri people.
7. Consoles a lonely Persian orphan with his pet lion cub.

The story is vaguely picaresque, told in almost a stream-of-consciousness style. Henderson tends to ramble and digress, but he is an endearing character, and is easy to root for, despite his many flaws. The book prompted much pondering and laughter alike.


All the Pretty Horses, directed by Billy Bob Thornton (I know, right?)


I am a longtime fan of this book and a longtime fan of freaking Matt Damon, but somehow never got around to watching the movie until now. But it is good. I loved the sparseness of the scenery and the language, the almost palpable brotherhood between the main characters, and little Jimmy Blevins was just cute as a button and dumb as a rock, but lovable. It wasn't the most stunning film adaptation of a book I've ever seen, and "Some passions can never be tamed" on the movie poster makes it look pretty... "romantic," but it'll do. Also on Netflix.


Ashes & Fire by Ryan Adams


The old boy's done it again. It's been a while, to be sure, since anything Ryan Adams has put out has really wowed me. The most recent Cardinals album I listened to, Cardinology (2008), was fairly forgettable, I didn't even know he'd put out two albums since (Orion and III/IV, both 2010). Ashes & Fire, however, is a real doozy. He's back where the melodies suit him, his acoustic guitar playing is more refined, and the lyrics are as haunting and heartbreaking as ever. Folks of note who join him on this album include Norah Jones, Cardinals guitarist Neal Casal, and wife Mandy Moore (I know, right?).

The man still has some tour dates ahead of him, so catch him if you can. Once I saw him and it was terrible, but then I saw him again and it was amazing. So, it's a mixed bag, I guess, but that's to be expected from this guy, I think. Aren't we used to that from him by now?

On Surprises, National

Things I wasn't prepared for, but maybe should have been:

The Pacific Coast is as stunning as everyone said and I vaguely remember. To finally see the full open ocean again after 6 or 7 years of settling for the Sound is entirely breathtaking; foxgloves and lupines dotted the roadside, giant towers of rock broke the waves into shards, and we Nixoned every construction worker on the 101. Not to mention we found the most badass secret camping spot in all of Oregon, which only you, the loyalest Spiderettes, who continue to read even after all my coworkers have left me, will know about.

There are customs gates on the California border. Luckily we only had the one orange.

Redwoods are enormous. We didn't find the tree you can drive a whole gol-dang car through, but we found some pretty big ones. For example, Clark and I sawed one down (one who saws is a sawyer, by the way) and determined it was 6'8" in diameter and over 1,500 years old!

Humboldt County is full of hippies. And elk. Unfortunately both hunting seasons had already passed.

Fire season can last 12 months in central California. Dry heat is usually no problem for me, having grown up in a pseudo-desert, but I spent most of my time in Sacramento drinking ice water in front of a fan indoors. The remaining time I was in Tiger Creek pocketing gravel-sized chunks of gold behind my hosts' backs. And a baby peed on my floor.

People drink beer and smoke weed in plain sight in San Francisco. This is a city comprised mostly of sinners. But we had a mostly good time and ate very well, despite (or perhaps because of) being only metres away from the city's main sewage treatment plant. We didn't go to the Golden Gate Bridge, or ride a trolley thing, or drive up the idiot street that turns every four inches, but we did see the Full House ..... houses.

U.S. National Parks are world wonders. Yosemite and the Grand Canyon were littered with families clearly and proudly, to my dismay, NOT using English to express their awe. On several occasions we couldn't even figure out what garbage they were speaking, which was all the more infuriating because the entrance signs to both parks clearly state: "YOU LOOK AT OUR SHIT, YOU SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE."

Death Valley is hot as shit. We drove through it at roughly 9:30 p.m. when it was roughly 105 degrees. Our campsite in Shoshone, about an hour outside the valley, was furnished with lava showers and spigots for Tabasco on-site. Very accommodating, the Shoshone people.

Las. Vegas. Sucks.

The Hoover Dam was not named after my favorite vacuum cleaner brand. Rather, it bears the name of a president who wasn't even invited to the dedication ceremony; he was "the Great Engineer had quickly drained, ditched, and dammed the country," according to Wikipedia's citation of another writer.

Route 66 is the most stereotyping highway in America. Never before have I thought about what it would be like to spend a night in a wig wam, or wear REAL INDIAN JEWELRY, or buy post cards with traditional Indian imagery on them. And now I know what this sacred, wild place was like 60 years ago, in the golden age of cowboy consumerism.

Clark was right about Texas. One should spend as little time there as possible.

Southern hospitality is still going strong. Aunt T and Uncle Jack let us sleep inside. Clayton smoked chicken and bacon-wrapped hot dogs and cigarettes in the front yard. Big Dave bought us breakfast (though he did lie about free muffins). Kyle got an $8 haircut.

RED ALERT!
YOU CANNOT BUY REAL BEER IN A GROCERY STORE IN OKLAHOMA.
PEOPLE PUT WATER IN BEER'S CLOTHING.
DON'T BE FOOLED. ONE MUST BUY BEER AT A LIQUOR STORE AND WAIT A WHILE FOR IT TO COOL DOWN. CONSIDER BUYING A CROSSWORD BOOK WITH YOUR STROH'S.

THIS IS ALL TRUE.

Arkansas is nicknamed The Natural State. An apt name for the greenest state of our trip to date; basically God took a giant nature shit on the country and called it "Appalachia." Rolling hills, diving kingfishers, and gleaming trout everywhere. One thing they haven't figured out, however, despite their best efforts, is mountains. We're staying in Mountain Home and recently visited Mountain View, the alleged folk music capital of the world, but so far I haven't seen any mountains. As a matter of fact, the highest point in the state is only 2,753 feet up, and is flat-topped to boot. The moral of the story is: people in Arkansas don't know what they're talking about.


Final thoughts:
Kyle and I are both inclined to wait until trip completion to post pictures.
Prodigal Summer was not Kingsolver's best work.
Star Anna came out with a third album and Gillian Welch a fifth.
New Orleans is next.
You guys suck.

IMMA coming Pa

Hey!
So I'm Haylee, apparently now eighth (seventh?) contributor to the GSS. Or something. I've known Julia since the womb, I've met Sam off and on, and I don't know who Calvin is but I've been reading this blog for a year and think he may actually just be the imaginary friend Sam has always dreamed of having.
My last blog has only one post, and it's a list of things I'm good at, which includes "walking like Johnny Depp" and "imagining butterscotch pudding."
I promise to step my game up and show my appreciation at being included in this venerable publication.

The most delicious of gravy

I love having something to gripe about I know nobody in my immediate vicinity wants to hear and subsequently realizing GOOD GRAVY I WRITE A BLOG NOW so I can henceforth shout said gripes to the cyberwinds and you goobers can deal with it here.

Here is one I think about every time I go to the bathroom at work:

A few weeks ago I was using the staff bathroom in the back of the shop, and as I finished, one of my coworkers walked in on me. She got that awkward surprised look and apologized, but closed the door saying "That's why you lock the door!" I shouted back to her, "No, that's why you knock," and stewed over the sink for a few minutes before reemerging. Another coworker laughed, "I heard Heather saw your hoo-ha!" and I just shook my head and went back to the front.

Though this was a relatively harmless incident on the grand spectrum of things, what disappoints me about it is what it potentially represents. Why must we constantly defend ourselves against our fellow man? Foolish me, I thought people still had manners (I mean for chrissakes at least in Missoula, right?) and were conscientious of others' needs and spaces. I guess not. In our quest for security we have replaced fellowship with fear and are consequently continuing to decline as a people.

If I am to expand this particular bathroom incident to disturbing grandness, that is.

Lock the door when you take a dump or this guy's gonna barge in and powder his nose.

THINGS I AM NOT UPSET ABOUT:

Item the first: I finally finished my classroom observations at Big Sky High school and am looking forward to my career in education more than ever. My cooperating teacher gave me a rad review and though most of her kids were squirrely freshmen, I might miss em. Ahhhh, probably not. In any case, finding out a kid finished a book for the first time in his life is one of the most rewarding things I've ever experienced, and I can't wait until it gets to happen to me more often.

Item the second: New roommate Jordan moved in last week and BROUGHT A DOG I REPEAT A DOG. Dog's name is Gyp (which, I've learned, is not short for Gypsy in this case) and I will update you on his progressive cuteness and our house's progressive hairiness as the summer continues.

Item the third: This one episode of Top Gear. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like this show in general because it's about cars and stuff, but goddamitall I love funny middle-aged British guys. The only episode I've seen all the way through is where they drive shitty off-road vehicles through the Bolivian rainforest, instead of jerking off to a new Shmerrari or whatever, and henceforth have to combat snakes and caramelized coca leaves and El Camina de la Muerte, the most dangerous road in the world. Also at one point one guy attacks another guy with a machete. SHIT SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE A BOLIVIAN DEATH. Awesome.

Well, Sam and Max are getting hastily married in Las Vegas right now and left me to uphold the blogging and I think it's going medium well, but excuse me while I leave you to drink a Hamms and pet a beautiful dog.

Here I am!

It's true. Max and Calvin are medium blog failures (Calvin is debatably a Taco Bell fire hot caliber failure) so I have come to make Sam quit whining. I don't know what it is I'll write about either, but it's finals next week so any writing that's not me making a curriculum for 9th grade English is great and good.

Notable characteristics:

1. Pleased this has spell check.

2. Naps frequently.

3. Rarely brushes hair.

4. Street cred currently compromised by mononucleosis.

5. Mild dumpster diving skills.

6. Probably won't ever write long blog posts.

7. Thinking about quitting smoking.

8. Pretends to be a musician.

9. Not worried, even ironically, about zombies.

10. Needs to reel in the swears.

Likes:

1. Dogs.

2. Lists.

3. Kate Nash's new album way better than the old one.

4. Big water bottles.

5. Grandma Tanya on Facebook.

Dislikes:

1. Unloading the dishwasher.

Okay I think that's a good inaugural post.

By the way if you totally immediately become my biggest fan and click on my profile link over there and notice that I write for another blog, don't read it. It's for class and the other people have names like "writer dude" and "redhead readin." You know.