IMMA coming Pa

Hey!
So I'm Haylee, apparently now eighth (seventh?) contributor to the GSS. Or something. I've known Julia since the womb, I've met Sam off and on, and I don't know who Calvin is but I've been reading this blog for a year and think he may actually just be the imaginary friend Sam has always dreamed of having.
My last blog has only one post, and it's a list of things I'm good at, which includes "walking like Johnny Depp" and "imagining butterscotch pudding."
I promise to step my game up and show my appreciation at being included in this venerable publication.

Here I am!

It's true. Max and Calvin are medium blog failures (Calvin is debatably a Taco Bell fire hot caliber failure) so I have come to make Sam quit whining. I don't know what it is I'll write about either, but it's finals next week so any writing that's not me making a curriculum for 9th grade English is great and good.

Notable characteristics:

1. Pleased this has spell check.

2. Naps frequently.

3. Rarely brushes hair.

4. Street cred currently compromised by mononucleosis.

5. Mild dumpster diving skills.

6. Probably won't ever write long blog posts.

7. Thinking about quitting smoking.

8. Pretends to be a musician.

9. Not worried, even ironically, about zombies.

10. Needs to reel in the swears.

Likes:

1. Dogs.

2. Lists.

3. Kate Nash's new album way better than the old one.

4. Big water bottles.

5. Grandma Tanya on Facebook.

Dislikes:

1. Unloading the dishwasher.

Okay I think that's a good inaugural post.

By the way if you totally immediately become my biggest fan and click on my profile link over there and notice that I write for another blog, don't read it. It's for class and the other people have names like "writer dude" and "redhead readin." You know.

I did it!

I made a new banner. I was going for a minimalist, faux-infantile, not-very-good kind of look. Actually, I tried a bunch of times to make a decent banner, but they were all awful and made me mad. I had to turn my brain off and go in to scribble mode to make one someone could at least look at without puking.

It's pretty tragic that Calvin and Max have continued to not do anything. Knowing Max, he's probably in Haiti, shirtless and glistening as he lifts orphans from the wreckage and weeps. Calvin is probably eating a Cosmic Brownie.

Max is a show off

They have kind of a Goofus and Gallant thing going on, except for in this version Gallant goes out of his way to make everyone else look bad and Goofus is a way cool dude.

PS I don't think Haiti is funny so don't yell at me, mom.

On Being Right, Magical Thinking, and Hating Your Friends

I was right about Calvin and Max. They've proven to be more worthless than I could have guessed. They're in school and stuff, but I know Calvin and Calvin is not spending so much time studying that he can't post even one thing.

my friends calvin and max

You two are on thin ice.

So this guy I know gets unreasonably perturbed whenever he sees commercials for Benico Del Toro's newest screen classic, The Wolfman.

He cites America's fascination with the occult as one of the leading factors in the decay of America's moral, cultural, and intellectual fibre. It's not a religiously motivated thing, it's exactly the opposite. He calls it "magical thinking" and I guess it's making us in to soft-brained morons. To him, Twilight and True Blood and Vampire Diaries and Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Being Human and Blood Ties and Dark Shadows are undermining our ability to think realistically.

i guess this is what girls like????????????

While the best I can say about those things I just mentioned is that they are nigh-unbearable pap, unfit for consumption by any but the most base of minds, I don't think they're doing any real harm. I suspect that I think this because I'm the biggest magical thinker I know. I'm a total rube, obsessed with television and comic books. However, I can muster up enough brain power to fart out a few sentences that make a little bit of sense, which is more than can be said for almost anyone on the planet. Some people never watch tv (I can't imagine why they wouldn't, though. Maybe they can't afford it????) and are still very dumb and terrible. The smartest people I know crave lowest-common-denominator reality television on the rare occasion that they have a few minutes to watch TV. Those people are still smart and no amount of Jersey Shore will change that.

Life is seriously pretty bad most the time, and it's even worse for people who are smart. Smart people need to watch cartoons or MTV every now and then so they don't have to think about starving children, social injustice, the stock market, and whatever else smart people usually think about.

This is good, click on it please.

New banner on the way.

Calvin and Max are bad.

New Contributor

This is Calvin:

He's going to write on our blog now, I guess. His own blog only has like three posts in the last year, so I'm a little skeptical.