America's Positive Attributes:
1. freedom of speech. you had to know this was going to be on the top of my list. not only am i extremely liberal, (which makes pissing off conservatives all the more fun) but in this great country i get to say whatever the hell i want, whenever the hell i want to. which is great considering the fact that i have no internal censor. seriously. in case you haven't noticed i cannot not swear. (sam, if my incessant dirty mouth becomes a problem to our more timid readers, we will have to come up with some euphemisms for me to use. talk to me about it.)
2. hot dogs. what? they're made out excess parts of pigs and whatnot and somehow they are still delicious! piled high with mustard, relish and sauerkraut, i can think of nothing that makes me all warm and fuzzier.... excluding my puppy.
3.this guy. yarp. that's how you party here in umerica. he wore that cape all.day.long.
4. the cultural diversity. the fact that i live in an american college town means that i know snippets of random phrases and cuss words in a whole crap-ton of languages. and foreign food rocks ( except for certain types of curry, my bowels do not handle that well.)
5. hobbies. i don't know what they do for fun in other countries (well, in Afghanistan they make elaborate rugs for fun.... i do know that) but we in umerica have some of the most wide-ranging ways to kill time. mine are tattooing and graffiti, as well as bellydance and blogging. but there are people that take some shit to the next level. like this guy. how many times do you think he's gonna hit his face on pavement until he gives up? but i'm sorry to inform you that no matter how good you are at any particular thing you decide to waste time learning, you will never EVER be cooler than this girl. seriously. i would marry her if it weren't for the fact that she hit on nick cannon. gross. but i do love that show.
Shit That America is Slacking On:
1. education. that whole "no child left behind" thing was complete trash and everyone knows it. instead of actually fixing the problems that public education faces we just reinforced them. underfunding for schools should be one of the main focuses of any political party... because a country is only as smart as the people who run it, and as far as i'm concerned, we're fucked. we focus solely instead on military funding and recruitment, and if you ask me, there are enough dumb shits running around with big ass guns in the world. memorization and regurgitation is the way students are taught to excel. i'm one of them. i don't remember half the shit that got me any of my A's in high school, and i'm not going to call myself intellectual by any means but max just graduated from a prestigious university and i know he will agree with me, so i'm right.
2. health care reform. come on, Obama. you said you could do it. man up and do it. in this country it is im-fucking-possible for someone my age to get decent health insurance, unless they are signed under a parent's policy. which is bullshit. i have hospital bills out the yang because doctors here feel like they are providing you with a service, rather than doing their duty as a physician. you can't even get into some hospitals in this country without some sort of insurance plan. they will literally ship you off to a different facility.
3. wal mart. seriously. check this out and tell me this is just what america needs.
4. celebrities. ok, ok. i love snookie just as much as the next red blooded american but don't you think that when the news is taken over by the latest sandra bullock-jesse james sex tape scandal when instead we should be focusing our efforts on what the fuck is happening in gulf... that this shit is just getting a little extreme? and we all want to think that they're really like us, most of them just have better faking skills and can adopt babies from third world countries like it's going out of style, but if you could pick a charity to donate to every year, would you really pick peta? and for what reason? the cool photo shoot? why don't you take the eight million dollars you made from that last pepsi commercial and put it towards health clinics in poor neighborhoods, Haitian relief efforts, or Aids research, you douche.
there. i put five good things and only four bad. i think i'm getting better at this whole positivity thing.
and now for a story. my fourth rocked. and i think it is shaping up to becoming one of my favorite holidays. not because i'm patriotic. i'm really not. but because every fourth of july for the past two years has been a bitchin good time. last year i ended up in missoula hanging out with all the kids that moved there from butte (literally. all of them.) at an impromptu pantsless party. there were giant piles of corn everywhere and it was awesome. this year i floated the river and got a gnarly sunburn. after that i went to what would affectionately be called the crazy ranch. one of the kids in our floating party rents a room from this old guy named terry at a ranch just outside of bozeman and he invited us over for a good old fashioned bbq. this bbq, however, turned out to be anything but old fashioned. i got really drunk and played croquet. then i ate some mushrooms and got into the hot tub. right as the mushrooms were kicking in this old guy terry brings out a notepad that has the word INDEPENDENT THINKER written on the back and proceeds to videotape a poem that he wrote about the financial crisis our country is currently going through in the style of the late great george carlin. it was epic. i could not stop laughing. after that he read me a poem he wrote about how all his best friends wear fur coats. it was a poem about every dog he had ever owned. i don't know if any of you have ever experienced any type of hallucinogen, but it makes everything hilarious. after that we sat on his front porch and watched the city of bozeman light up with fireworks while aaron sat on the roof screaming at us about how awesome the finale was going to be this year. now i'm not one of those people that eats mushrooms every weekend and goes on quests to find their power animal or anything like that, but some experiences in life you just can't turn down. and this was one of them.
so there you have it. my fourth was way more awesome than yours and if it wasn't, then you better fess up and share. until next time.
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