it was professor plum in the bathroom??

hey sam... thanks for putting me on the not idiots list. i love you forever.

update: moved into russell's. it's a bitch trying to figure out what to do with all my stuff and I THREW HALF OF IT AWAY!!!!!! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT???? i'm drunk. it's night time. i'm going to tell you a messed up story.

a few weeks ago we decided to have some friends over at russell's for a small gathering of sorts. there was cheese and wine and we all sat around and discussed america's current political climate. what? you don't believe me? ok fine. we watched beyonce videos on youtube and got wasted. it was fun. jessi mullowney pulled out the fake adhesive mustaches. we drank PBR to our heart's content and i got five stars on the michael jackson wii game.
so the next morning i wake up and have to pee as most people do after a night of merriment. i go into the bathroom, finish my biz, and start looking around for the toilet paper. this next part is graphic so if you are a generally queasy person or have eaten sushi in the last hour, please stop reading here. there was a turd in the bath tub. i repeat: a human turd in the tub. just one. i got up. walked into the room that russell and i now share and our conversation goes as follows:
me: i don't know how to tell you this.
him: is something wrong? what happened?
me: russell..... there is a poo in the tub.
him: ..........
me: no joke. go look.
him: (gets up, goes into the bathroom, comes back to where i'm sitting)
there's a freaking shit in the tub (backwards thrust with thumb motion)
me: i know.
him: who would take a crap in our tub?
me: your guess is as good as mine.

and so he cleaned it up. when jessi and eric (jessi's boyfriend) awoke, we told them, and they laughed. we then started discussing who could have possible pooped in the tub. the thing about this discussion is, it wasn't like we had a rager or anything. everyone there was a trusted friend. there was a lot of speculation that went nowhere, much like the game of clue.
later that day, all of the people who had been over the previous night ended up coming over again seeing as how we made plans to go to norris hot springs. every single one of them got no farther than a foot in the door before we promptly asked them "hey. did you shit in the tub last night?" some of them didn't think we were being serious. most of them laughed. when we got to the hot springs we all decided that this was an unsolved mystery, seeing as how not any of us really remember the end of the night.
afterwards, we all came back to the apartment for one of russell's famous fruit smoothies. we were enjoying our drinks in silence when john said "it could have been anyone in this room." and we all just nodded. that was the end of that. i have not investigated further because i don't really want to know who did it. they would be forever tainted in my memory and since all of them are pretty rad i would really just prefer to remain ignorant. maybe i'm a weirdo. whatevs.

it's cold here. i'm sick of working. i want everyone to come home again. work on that will you guys?

olive out.