Big Tables Mean Big Accomplishments

I will be the first to say that the Student Organization Suite at UM is a vacuous hole of nothing to do. I can't be an organized student I guess because I don't actually belong to a student organization, I just come in here to use their internet and big tables. Clark is in a dumb meeting and I wait for him here so I don't have to walk home in de cold weddah. Also I think I'm allergic to productivity.

Therefore, heretofore, and due to the transitive property, I am here to relieve the rest of my faithful children from their own boredom and give you a few helpful hints in self-medication. Self-entertainment. Entertainment.

BEHOLD: THE LIST OF THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO!

1. Homework. Boring still; vetoed immediately.

2. Read more blogs. I just spent 45 minutes on Steam Me Up Kid which is one whose hilarity rivals our own.... Or is actually way better but don't tell Sam. You can tell Calvin. I don't think he cares about any of us any more.

3. Pretend passerby say funnier things than they are typically capable of. Cases in point: "Are you guys sharting still?" and "SCISSOR ME!" I am near the corner where the Women's Resource Center intersects with the LAMBDA Alliance so that second bellow isn't really out of the question, but to be fair I'm also outside the radio station so I think that other guy said "charting." Whatever.

4. Think about what you're going to do when you get home. I, for example, am going to find some food, make sure I have clothes that don't smell like cigarettes and "impulsivity" to wear to the middle school tomorrow, and watch Drunk History.

5. Worry about kids these days. This week in my health class (not like the gendered health class in 4th grade where the cool "developed" girl discounts what the counselor is telling you about the period you're about to get, or the required superficial high school health class where you make a poster about peyote and think you know about drugs real good, but like a Health Issues for Children and Adolescents class where you're about to be a teacher and your future students are kinda dumb and also sensitive so quit being such a bitch) we talked about the Montana Meth Project and it made me all depressed and grossed out. Have you seen those pictures? Scare tactics are sort of petty and bullshit and there is considerable controversy over whether the Montana legislature should continue to fund the program, but I'll be damned if I'm not straight TERRIFIED of meth now. We also started the youth suicide unit which makes me want to waltz into Mr. Teach's room tomorrow with a million cookies and tell every boy their Heelys are totally rad and every girl their butt looks super cute in those jeans, and start a dating service to ensure every 12-year-old shmoe in Missoula has at least some vague attachment to this world. That's what makes good teachers, right? Overarching worry and showering of material gifts?

6. Seek more comfortable surroundings. The chairs in this vacuum of a room are a fittingly sterile black plastic that gives me what my mom calls "bun rot." This is, in normal speak, when your butt falls asleep because you've been very still typing for an hour.

7. Call Primo BFF. She doesn't answer, so wait for a while because you know you should leave a voicemail even if it's just to "say heyyyyyy gurrrrl," but chicken out at the last minute because you realize you don't want to sound creepy like you have nothing else to do while you wait for your boyfriend to get out of a meeting and have exhausted all your other options.

8. Think of new band names. Ryan and I formerly billed under the name Sober Enough to Drive, but I got tired of it and thought it maybe wouldn't be good for my eventual career as a caretaker of young children. New possibilities: Griz Lead Town, No Dirty Hands, National Coming Out Day, Blonde Readhead, Office of Greek Life.... only kidding, these are just words on the walls in here. If you have a suggestion, please DO leave it in the comments box. We are a two- to eight-piece band depending on the day and play primarily Americana/folk bar or coffee shop music, depending on the time of day.

9. Wonder how you're going to stretch this list to 10 so you feel like closure is appropriate.

10.
Tell Bill Murray you think he's aging gracefully.